A Pirate Queen Looks at 60

A Pirate Queen looks at 60
(with apologies to Mr. Buffet.  Uh… that’s Jimmy, not Warren.  You knew that didn’t you?)


2010.  I’m an aging Boomer. Looking at 60, right in the … wait, I am actually sort of squinting at 60, taking off my transitions bifocal lenses and letting the whole thing blur.  Which helps.  Because then you can’t see all the wrinkles and Horrid Age Spots.  And I can ignore gravity, because the warranty on my body ran out about age 40, when things (and you know what I’m talking about) really went south.
You know that old cliche, “If I’d known I was gonna live this long, I would have taken better care of myself”?  Well, I wouldn’t have.  I didn’t.  And I can’t work up any sincere regrets for the most part, but right now I have taken a guerilla warfare attitude toward aging.  Hit and Miss.  Little forays into better living through chemistry.  Retinol.    Formulating my own skin care with essential oils and arcane ingredients purchased over the internet.  Ascorbic acid.  Hyaluronic acid.  Lactic acid.  Propylene Glycol.  And the miracle skin cure – Aspirin.  Yep, not only does it help with the occasional coronary attack, it is great for your skin, dissolved into masks, toners, cleansers.  A spate of exercise every week or two.  Ha.  Between the intermittent yoga and the essential oils I am New Aging. Ha.
Well, that just barely touches, no, careens off the physical stuff,.  Leaving a ton of the emotional, psychological guff to deal with.  And some of it is important.  You know, major life epiphanies, realizations, accumulated wisdom I MUST pass along.  Mostly on the order of clean lingerie if you are planning on an accident which would let the paramedics and nurses get a glimpse of your panties.  Of course, don’t they usually cut it off you, so in that case why wouldn’t you want to be wearing those old cotton things?  I mean, no point in letting them take the shears to a full price Le Mystere or even a Wacoal piece.  See that’s the kicker about wisdom.  Most of mine is situational.  Emotional algebra.  If A happens, B must be the outcome.  Unless C did something stupid and affected the situation.  Or Z refused to participate, even if that was part of your original equation. 

I am not a professional.  But I have no choice, I must do this at home.  I have qualifications, though.  I mean, I made it to 59.  I am married to my original husband, 30 years of legal wedlock, and a couple of years shacking up before that.  We raised a daughter together and have cats.  We still really like each other.  I have learned to appreciate a romantic gift of several cubic yards of mulch for my garden, and he has learned to stop saying “Did you mean to let them do that”?, when I come home with a new hair cut.  If that stuff doesn’t count, I don’t know what does.

And I have lots on my mind.  Ya know, 59 years of thoughts, just looking for a venue.  I have thoughts on aging, on being female, on archaeology (Mr. graniagrace is an archaeologist, and in fact, I used to be one, too, and I met him in the woods, and oh my, that was romantic ).  Which reminds me.  Hot flashes.  I have some severe thoughts on those.  And food.  I love to cook, and I am good at it.  I have had to tell myself that as a feminist, I can accept myself as a Nurturer.  And read trashy romance books.  And adore the idea of Alpha Males, if not the reality.  And I have lots of thoughts on purses – mostly Cole Haan, Coach or Dooney purses.  I think Zappos should get some kind of lifetime achievement award.  I am a bleeding heart liberal living in a red, red, red state.  Boy, do I have thoughts on that. Let’s see: Food, Love, Relationships, Books, Wrinkles, Deep thoughts, More books (I read voraciously. And indiscrimately), Life in Utah, Archaeology, Motherhood. Yep. Those a just the tip of the iceberg. i.e. More to come.

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4 Responses to “A Pirate Queen Looks at 60”

  1. harriet Says:

    keep it up sista

  2. jill Says:

    more about purses and shoes please…!

  3. shewhosees Says:

    yes on more about shoes and purses, as well as living in the “red” state,
    aren’t there cloned humans living there?

    anyway, the cotton panties will have to do, regardless of what mom told us about wearing clean ones in case of an accident….sexy undies are only for those who count.

    But I digress….

  4. Jeanie Erno Says:

    Wow I just found this in an old verizon email account. Are you still blogging?

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